Do I have to forgive someone who has never apologised?

Jesus puts no condition on your side of it

When Jesus mentions forgiving in the middle of teaching about prayer, he describes it as something you do while standing there praying, if you have something against anyone. There is no clause about the other person's attitude, no requirement that they have come to you first, and nothing about waiting until you feel differently.

That is a heavy sentence and also a freeing one. It means the thing you are carrying is not stuck behind a door only the other person can open. You have never needed their signature. If you have been waiting years for an apology in order to begin, you can begin without it.

And when you stand to pray, if you hold anything against another, forgive it, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your trespasses as well.”

Mark 11:25, BSB

The passage about the relationship does have a condition

Here Jesus is talking about what happens between two people, and the shape changes. He says to rebuke the person, and if they repent, to forgive — and to keep doing that even when it happens over and over in a single day. Repentance sits right there in the sentence, and so does confronting the wrong out loud.

So the Bible is not confused; it is describing two different things with one word. There is releasing a debt, which you can do alone. And there is a restored relationship, which needs the other person to turn up, tell the truth and change. If they have never apologised, the second one is simply not on the table yet, and that is a fact about them rather than a failure of yours.

Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Luke 17:3-4, BSB

You are not dropping the case, you are handing it over

Paul's instruction not to take revenge is not an instruction to decide the thing did not matter. He tells his readers to leave room — the whole force of it is that the debt is real, still stands, and is being placed in hands better than yours.

This is the practical difference between forgiving and swallowing. Swallowing says nothing happened. Forgiving says something happened, it was serious, and I am no longer the one prosecuting it. Many people find they can do the second while being completely unable to do the first, which is a good sign rather than a bad one.

Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”

Romans 12:19, BSB

Say it somewhere, since you cannot say it to them

One of the reasons an unapologised injury sits so long is that it has never been said out loud to anyone who can hold it. The psalm invites the opposite of composure: pour it out, all of it, at any time.

Put this in the Ask step of your morning. Name the person and name the specific thing, not the tidy version. Then say the sentence you are working towards — I am not going to collect this debt — and notice that you can say it before you can feel it. Say it again tomorrow. That repetition is the mechanism; there is no shortcut version.

Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is our refuge. Selah

Salmo 62:8, BSB

Forgiving does not mean believing them next time

Proverbs is blunt about the person whose words are pleasant while their intent is not, and it says plainly: do not believe them. That is in the Bible too, in the same book people quote at you about kindness.

Trust is not a gift you owe; it is an assessment you make from evidence, and it can be rebuilt only by the person who broke it, over time, through changed behaviour. You can hold nothing against someone and still not lend them money, leave your children with them, or answer the phone at midnight. Those are two separate decisions, and you are allowed to make one without the other.

A hateful man disguises himself with his speech, but he lays up deceit in his heart. When he speaks graciously, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart.

Proverbs 26:24-25, BSB

Where this answer stops

If the person who never apologised is still harming you, that is a different situation and safety is the first question. Nothing on this page asks you to be near them, to keep the relationship, or to give them another chance to hurt you. Leaving is not a failure to forgive, and there is no version of Christian faith in which your body is the acceptable cost of someone else's repentance.

If you are in danger, contact your local emergency number or a domestic violence support service today. If this injury is running your sleep, your health or your relationships, a therapist is an ordinary and faithful thing to look for. This page is not legal, psychological or pastoral advice and does not replace any of them.