Prayers after a death

In the first days, when none of it is real yet

For the week when people are still bringing food and you cannot remember what anyone said.

God, I do not know what I am doing. I keep picking things up and putting them down. Half of me still expects them to walk in. The psalm talks about calling from the end of the earth with a heart that has given out, and that is roughly where I am standing. I am not asking you to explain anything today. I am asking you to be here in this room, in this hour, while I get through it. Hold on to me, because I am not holding on to much. Amen.

Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call out to You whenever my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Salmo 61:1-2, BSB

Before a day you have to get through anyway

For the funeral, the paperwork, the first day back at work, the school run.

Lord, I have to be a functioning person today and I do not have it in me. My eyes are worn out and so is everything behind them. Get me through the next few hours. Let me do the necessary things badly if that is what it takes. If I cry somewhere inconvenient, let me cry and keep going. And when today is over, let me put it down. Amen.

Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes fail from sorrow, my soul and body as well.

Salmo 31:9, BSB

When you are angry, or you have nothing left to say to God

For the stage nobody warns you about, when prayer feels like talking to the one who let it happen.

God, I am angry, and I would rather say it to your face than say it behind your back for the next ten years. I do not understand this and I am not going to pretend that I do. The psalm says tears became a person's food day and night while people asked him where his God was. I am asking the same question. I am still here, saying it to you, which is more than I thought I had in me. Do not go anywhere while I work this out. Amen.

My tears have been my food both day and night, while men ask me all day long, “Where is your God?”

Salmo 42:3, BSB

On the anniversary, the birthday, the empty chair

For the dates that arrive whether or not you are ready, including years later.

God, today is the day, and everyone else has moved on to an ordinary Thursday. I miss them. I miss the small things nobody else would even notice were missing. The psalm does not say there is no valley; it says the walk goes through one and that you are alongside. Walk today with me. Let me say their name out loud to somebody. And let me get to the end of the day without pretending I am fine. Amen.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Salmo 23:4, BSB

When you cannot pray at all

Short on purpose. Repeat it as many times as you need, or say only the first line.

God, I have no words. You said your Spirit takes over when we do not know how to pray. Take over. I am here. That is all I have. Amen.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words.

Romans 8:26, BSB

Please read this part too

Prayer is not treatment, and this page is not counselling, medical advice or pastoral care. Praying more will not shorten grief, and nobody should suggest to you that it should. Grief has no correct length and no scheduled ending.

If you cannot eat or sleep for a long stretch, if you cannot function months on, or if you feel nothing at all, talk to a doctor or a grief counsellor. Bereavement groups exist in most places and are usually free. Telling one friend the true version of how you are is also a real thing to do this week.

If you are thinking about ending your life, contact your local emergency number or crisis line today, and tell someone near you tonight.